Scientists Link DDB to Rapidly Approaching Annie Singularity
News • Science & Technology • Jan 3, 2014
MEYRIN, SWITZERLAND — According to a new study released this week by CERN Professor of Molecular Energy Johan Rekel, the physical plane we inhabit may be rapidly approaching a singularity event tied directly to the frequency of Skullheart user DDB's queries about Annie's inclusion in the game Skullgirls.
“Though it's important that we've released these findings, I fear we may have already passed the 'when's Annie?' event horizon,” said the 31-year-old scientist, shaking his head. “I want to believe that we can counteract what's happening, but... I don't know.”
“At this point, most of the posts about Annie are actually just imprint events from other timelines collapsing into our own,” Rekel continued. “How do you moderate time slippage!?”
Throughout the study, numerous milestone events were described, including the first-ever time that DBB inquired about Annie's possible appearance in the game on July 26th, 1977. Another entry detailed DDB's alarmingly extensive collection of Annie, Girl Of The Stars memorabilia, which (in conjunction with the volumes of Annie rule 34) has inexplicably become the focal point of the dimensional rift currently expected to engulf all of known existence.
"It's a matter of priorities, at this point," said Michael Zaimont, main programmer and public face of Skullgirls developer Lab Zero. "We're not working on putting Annie in the game right now. I mean, yeah, singularity or whatever, but we've got commitments to meet."
“And besides, we've got Robo Fortune coming,” Zaimont went on to say. “That's at least as exciting as Annie, am I right?”
At current rates, the Annie Singularity is expected to occur at 7:18 AM on May 8th, 2014. As of press time, DDB had been informed of his role in the impending cataclysm and was quoted as saying, "when's Annie?"
UPDATE (open) UPDATE (close)As millions gathered outside of their chosen religious institution, seeking some refuge against the impending doom poised to rend apart their very existence, a few devoted scientists continue to monitor the situation. The hour has come and gone, but existence as we know it has gone seemingly unchanged.
Seemingly being the operative word, however. Initial reports from the scientific community have revealed that all signs of Annie Rays (the background radiation that lets scientists detect Annie) have disappeared. A new series of signs have been detected, though, and the scientific community has begun to call these waves, "Anti-Annie."
"It's remarkable!" said scientist Johan Rekel, still alive after the proposed end of the world. "Instead of destroying our own universe, the Annergy transferred to another plane of existence, creating an entirely new dimension made up entirely of Annie!"
"It appears all signs of Annie are gone from our world."
Several cults have sprung up in the hours following the news, claiming that Annie has now ascended to Godhood, while most have simply written off the entire event as either a hoax or a historic misunderstanding. One scientist felt that none of these was correct, though.
"We'll never be able to fully determine what happened, in truth." Ken Renoit, head of the Theoretical Physics department at MIT, had a fringe theory. "But I believe that all signs of Annie are gone forever, and Annie will never, ever, ever be seen here in playable form."
"To enter the dimension where Annie is everything, you'd have to build some kind of crude, home-made interdimensional travel device, but I frankly can't think of anyone crazy enough to try that."