London 2016/Revolution2016/That Party We Had After Where Alex Forgot How To Stand Up Trip Report
So. That all happened, somehow.
Some context, me and Benzo (aka McPeanuts) have known each other for 16 years, and have been close and eventually best friends for about 12. We've been through a lot together: friends dying, friends getting married, some very dark times and some incredibly fun times as well. The well of our shared experience is probably deeper then anyone else on the planet except my family. He saved my life once.
We've never met.
Until this event.
Us meeting for literally the first time.
So it was going to be very special regardless, but, wow.
I'm sitting here in a sort of state of...disbelief? I'm going to get into the actual tournament stuff in a second, but I'm going to go through some absolutely, 100% true things that happened
- A squirrel climbed Benzo outside of the Imperial War Museum. Straight up ascended him like he was playing Shadows of the Colossus and was looking for Benzo's glowing weak point.
-We found M&M Mecca, a four story store dedicated exclusively to the deep lore and intricate mythos of those M&Ms commercials. Including an M&M mind reading machine, the periodic table of M&Ms, an M&M R and D department, M&M idolatry...if it wasn't for the photos I might honestly think I dreamt it. See
@mcpeanuts for more details and photos
-Me and Benzo played a game of airhockey. I scored either six or seven goals, and the final score was 7-3...to Benzo. I literally got it in my own goal as or more often then I did his.
-We went bumper carting with a bunch of incredibly cool rabbis, (or possibly super orthodox Jewish dudes who dressed like rabbis? But they were all middle aged and looked like rabbis). The first time I hit some of them I was suddenly incredibly guilty and called out "I'm sorry!" and he replied laughing "No, no, that's what they're for!"
- A gorilla took a running slam at the glass cage separating him and his apparent mortal enemy, Benzo, causing a huge crash and making Benzo shit his pants. I laughed painfully hard.
Anyway, on the tournament itself, I'll remind you that I 1) don't play skullgirls 2) don't play fighting games 3) don't think skullgirls or fighting games are interesting and 4) think all skullgirls players are gross perverts. With that out of the way, the tournament was really fun! I have to thank Sillydragon's brother (John, or Daniel I think? I drank a LOT) for being another non-skullfan with whom I could watch, discuss what little we understood and get hype with.
I livetweeted the tournament a bit, if you want to check it out and some pictures see
@CoolCab. It opens with me reviewing the toilet (5/5 would shit again...until someone clearly had a wank in there. See point 4 above).
It was always incredible to see someone I knew up there and root for them (every time Benzo won a set on main stage I shouted FUCK YES as loud as I could) and since I'd met so many of you that was very easy to do. I had the idea to bring a sign that said DREWBIE 3:16 but never actualized it to my eternal shame.
To my untrained eye the matches were all amazing, but some of particular note include
Mandarian refusing to lose and almost going the distance when he was 2 sets down and almost out of health.
My boi Drewbe getting what looked (to me) like a fantastic victory on the main stage at pools only to tell me later as I was congratulating him "uh, no actually, I played fucking awful like how I (skullgirls talk my brain blocks)"-a wins a win dude!
bigbandpro69 who's entire strategy seemed to be "constantly take ridiculous gambles, roll boxcars sometimes exploit that to have Beowulf stomp the other guy's face for a character worth of HP as the crowd goes wild". Unfortunately though, bigbandpro69 eventually wound up down to Big Band so he lost. Fun as fuck to watch though!
SillyOldDragon and MrPeck because I was rooting for both of you like fuck, you both did great! Also MrPeck's advice turned out to be super important for McPeanuts later, and I deeply appreciate anyone who will share secret tech against their friends while their friend is standing there- it's definitely what I would do.
ATH, after being beaten badly by Benzo earlier, faced him again in the...game before the last one and demonstrating amazing adaptation. What he was doing wasn't working: he had the skill to see that, the courage and flexibility to change his strategy and characters and the fortitude to not be shook. Came within an inch of working too. Very impressive.
Zeknife's paranormal ability to get a lock on to his opponents: he's lose one or even two, and then he'd solve you and never, ever lose another round. Frequently he wouldn't even lose a CHARACTER. Reads the other guy like a cookbook. Incredible. I think Benzo was the only competitor to take one off you once you were in your Final Form and even then only in Grand Finals.
And finally, McPeanuts nearly pulling off the Japan special: turning up at another continent's events and taking all their prize money. I spoke to him before the event and he thought he would take 3rd at best, probably 4th - he beat everyone who he thought he couldn't beat except Zeknife, and he came MUCH closer then anyone else did. He also had the "had played in front of a crowd/main stage" experience, something the EU participants had to overcome-get some more tournies under your belts dudes and I bet money many of you will do much better.
Then there was the party, which, christ almighty. I'll do it in shoutout form:
Drewbie: The coolest roommate (fucking ninja at not waking us up), amazingly fun to talk to and hang out with, shared awesome Sweedish lore, won his dare match with John which produced what might literally be the smuggest expression ever recorded. Always good for a laugh, and sold his social skills criminally short: you were an absolute legend, dude, and made the weekend that much better for your presence.
If you look up "smug" in the dictionary, this picture should appear as if summoned
Alex: holy fucking fuck you are so good at drinking! You forgot how to: walk, remain upright, put words in order or even what words were, how to pick Big Band during the Big Band solo tournament, how to not set your buttons to what looked like complete random. Your outfit a was fucking next level and you were awesome to hang with. Unfortunately, I am Canadian and you called me American, so as is the custom of my people you're dead to me.
Rex: It was really cool meeting you! You were a great conversationalist at the dinner and fun as fuck at the party. Benzo thinks you're Dutch but I know you're simply a temporarily embarrassed Frenchman. Hope we cross paths again!
Mandarinen: another dude at the cool end of the dinner table! (Fucking deal with it left side scrubs bring your A game next time we were talking about crystal meth, Ikea, being racist against Swedes and more. Get on our level.). You were always fun to catch up with and seem like a genuinely nice guy, I'm sorry I couldn't get more of the horse out of the skittlebrau. Congratulations on doing so well at the tourney!
Whoever Rented the Apartment: I think it was several of you (Alex included maybe?) but holy shit I can't believe we didn't get kicked out for noise. We desperately needed a space to drink dangerous levels of alcohol and sing/scream for extended periods and you dudes fucking provided.
SillyOldDragon's Cool Brother: oh my god I seriously can't remember your name and am such a dumb asshole for it (I want to say John?) I always called you Dude. Had you not been there I would have been stuck talking about skullgirls exclusively with people who know anything about skullgirls: a fate worse then death. You enabled me to enjoy it as a spectator and that's literally impossible so you're some kind of wizard. Sorry for yelling FUCK YES directly beside you whenever Benzo won a set and thanks for your patience and company.
SillyOldDragon: A cool dude! I was rooting for you cause of your bro. You also sort of look like someone who would be on the front of a tourist brochure for Sweden to entice single ladies/gentlemen of a certain persuasion to visit. Congrats!
Sanji: As above huge thanks for the space, and for being so cool when I was concerned I was going to barf after drinking an amount of skittles vodka medical professionals would describe as "are you fucking serious". Sorry we didn't hang more but you were a treat the rare times we did.
MrPeck: FUUUUUCK I got to meet you! That's wild! Thanks for the London advice, huge thanks for selling out your continent's secrets to the enemy and for faving all my great tweets about how small Benzo's dick is. As an employee of LabZero I decided I ethically could only shout "WHERE ARE MY HATS" at you once as you weren't there when they were stolen, so you dodged a bullet there. I also respect a dude who can turn up to a party and not drink: you stuck to your principles, and I salute you for it. Congrats on how well you did!
beuzer0: Your impressions of French accents were hysterical, I was losing my shit. I appreciate you tolerating my horrible half remembered Quebecois francais attempts at butchering your language. Cool dude, I hope we meet again some day!
John (Blonde one with the beard aka JD on twitter): Soooooo much fun to hang out with! The Shirt Challenge set was another I immediately became invested in, and you were a fucking pro at playing along (I laughed my ass off when you set it as your profile picture). Thanks for looking after Alex so he didn't literally die. I'm also going to post that picture again, because it might be my favourite of the event.
Izzmo: Cool dude! Benzo legitimately went into that match thinking he was going to lose (quote: "CoolCab, I'm going to be upset if/when I lose" translated: please don't be CoolCab at me) and it was an epic fucking set. It was nice talking about FPS game design with you (guns should feel like guns dammit) and I'm glad you enjoyed the skittlebrau so much, (recipe below!). Congrats on how well you did and how good all the sets you were in were to watch.
Smile: In all of history, there have been countless examples of some asshole at a party going "oh man, what this REALLY needs is an acoustic guitar" and the entire party either ignores or resents him for it as he butchers his way through Wonderwall. You are, quite literally, the first person in history to make a party MUCH, MUCH better by breaking that sucker out. All Star Singalong is a memory I'll treasure forever. Also, I loved your reaction to skittlebrau and energy drink "But that will make your heart pump faster and you'll get drunker!" Yes. Exactly! You're a cool dude and a pleasure to interact with.
Mojo Jojo: We didn't interact like, at all (other then me telling you that your scarf was the one Zero from Megaman X wore) until the Big Band Solo Tournament International but holy hell was that fucking fun and gave us a bond only those in the Big Band Solo Tournament commentator circuit can experience. Absolutely carried our coverage of Girl Big Band versus Boy Big Band and The Button That Always Wins. A fucking rad hurricane of a dude.
Serenade AKA Mask Man: Oh my god thank you for running the brackets. I literally wandered around going "who's sober?!?", found the first person and immediately entrusted you with this responsibility. Lesser men might have said "what no that sounds like mad work" or "why won't you do it" or "but I want to do fun things at this party" but not you, you were a fucking trooper. Could not have done it without you (frankly, couldn't even come close). You also seem like a fun person to hang around with and your mask was awesome even if it didn't fit. Thanks again!
BigTonney: What a cool dude. Polite, friendly and kind at the tournament. Felt like you were a little nervous at the start of the party (other people are hard man, I know exactly where you were coming from) but soon you let your hair down and were partying with the best of us. I love seeing that sort of thing, powering through the anxiety and breaking straight into Andrew W.K mode. You stay awesome dude!
Zeknife: Holy hell you're good at skullgirls! Sorry I kept saying your name wrong after the dinner and thanks for being patient with intoxicated, idiot me. You've got crazy cool style and grace: several times I analogized that cool swishy European confidence and way of holding yourself as being almost vampiric (in a good way!). Sort of an Anne Rice vampire: calm, cool, collected, fashionable and elegant. This made me suspect the reason you're so impossibly good at skullgirls is via occult mind reading and/or immunity to fatigue. I guarantee this was be the first of many events you dominate, congrats and good luck!
ATH! (pronounced frenchly): I felt so guilty when I was wrong about the cigarette store! Your performance at the tourney was fucking phenomenal as noted above, but it was your party game that REALLY impressed me. You were drinking straight Skittlebrau like that's a thing a human body is supposed to be able to do. Your coaching of...about half the Solo Bigband International players was hysterical (HIT HIM! NO HIGH JUMP KICK! NO! YES! GOOD!) and I understand you managed to win, an accomplishment many magnitudes greater then Revolution2016. I hope you don't forget us little people between that massive prize pool and the endorsements start rolling in. Hopefully we'll meet again, I had a blast!
Tired Ocean: It was cool meeting you! Sorry it was so brief. Tell your twin brother that linguistic prescriptivism is a position held by people who need to be wrong all the time.
Benzo: Was there too.
There are some other names on here I do not recognize but I'm sure I met (there was a cool English/Scottish dude at the Sainsburys for instance, Frost I met and was cool, the dude who made me feel incredibly bad about two toilets I did not use, the GG dude who eulogized his friend was super sweet, etc etc) and I'm sure I've forgotten some people because of the dumb amounts of ethanol I drank. If I've missed you give me a shout and I'll amend!
Finally I want to extend a huge thank you to all of you for making this event indescribably awesome. It was my first skullgirls/ fighting game tournament and my first time meeting all of you, and you each went above and beyond to make me feel welcome, to ensure we all had the best time possible and to tolerate the fact I've, repeatedly, gone on record saying you're all gross perverts who play terrible games. You've really changed my mind: you're all gross perverts who play terrible games BUT are really cool despite that. Thanks so much.
And finally, because it was so popular:
CoolCab's Skittlebrau (Skittles Vodka)
1 low to mid tier vodka (Russian Standard was mine, anything around there will work. Too cheap and it tastes like medicine, please don't waste Grey Goose on this shit)
1 skittle for every 3ml of vodka (a litre bottle would require 2 174g bags) separated by colour
Five seal-able bottles, ideally transparent glass.
Something to filter with (coffee filters work if you don't like your coffee machine, a new cheesecloth, a clean t-shirt, etc.)
Put each colour of skittles into a bottle and fill with vodka. Seal and put it against a heat source (radiator is ideal). Let sit for at least 12 hours, shaking as often as possible. Confirm there do not seem to be any whole skittles left in the bottle before advancing.
Your mixture should be more or less uniform with white bits floating on the top or accumulated on the bottom. This is gelatin, and ruins the consistency of the drink, so it has to go. Strain the skittlebrau into another container such as a measuring cup using the filter-do not squeeze/ use force to speed it up, as gelatin will happily squeeze through. RINSE THE BOTTLE THOROUGHLY, gelatin is extremely sticky and clumps might be lurking at the bottom or sides. Return the vodka to the bottle, seal and chill for 12 hours (sometimes it will freeze so be careful using a freezer) and the drink is ready to be served.
It mixes extremely well with diet soda (which counters somewhat the incredible sugar content) or energy drink, on ice or with other juices.
WARNINGS:
-Tastes like candy, WILL fuck you up like vodka (ask Alex). Just because you can't taste the alcohol sure as fuck does not mean it isn't there. Please enjoy responsibly and keep well away from children.
-The final product is INCREDIBLY sticky, as is the loose gelatin after you've strained it. Cleaning a spill is next to impossible and if you spill it on yourself you'll feel like you've been dunked in honey. Always reseal your bottle!